DON'T ASS-UME....

I am extra salty today. Frankly, I am annoyed at the very fact that the following post is necessary.  A second follow up news story was run on the (alleged) sexual batteries and sexual assaults (allegedly) perpetrated by a trusted local physician on many women.  I am no stranger to media attention, nor to internet trolls after several opportunities to have our family story be written and aired multiple times nationally and Internationally.  I pretend to eat trolls for breakfast. (I have seen the Trolls movie 12,792 times too many.)  While I can let most of the nonsense roll off my back, I cannot bear to see the other (alleged) victims suffer while reading the unkind remarks (all too often made by WOMEN) via comment sections on the articles.  I KNOW the anguish and bravery it took for them to come forward.  We all have different personalities, but we never know how we will respond to particular trauma until it happens.  I love when I see a woman blurt out "WELL, I WOULD NEVER HAVE ALLOWED...."... "I WOULD HAVE SCREAMED, PUNCHED AND LEFT."  Seriously, stop.  The accusations that victims go after #highpaidpredators for money are exactly the reason (alleged) crimes like these are committed regularly right under everyones noses.  This is the reason it typically takes ONE to come forward to open the door for the rest.  Then all of the sudden a SALTY herd is formed.  TRUTH  There is strength in numbers...the kind of strength that holds the weight of the world and keeps one another from falling at the same time. The kind of strength that can't stand to think of another woman having their lives turned inside out, so instead we allow ours to be dismantled, dissected and on display.  I will be dipped in SH*T before I allow anyone to fling the dung of SHAME on my sisters.  

I have created the following list for your reference.  Inclusive but not limited: 

1. DON’T assume you know when women reported sexual assault based on when action is finally happening. 

2. DON’T assume by excerpts from a news story that you are an expert at what happened to said women. 

3. DON’T assume women didn’t go to the police based on the inaction of law enforcement. 

4. DON’T assume to understand trauma and trauma responses. 

5. DON’T assume your opinion is necessary. Sometimes bullying and shaming is mistaken for an opinion. 

4. DO assume victims and their families see, read and internalize nasty, condescending and victim shaming comments. 

5. DO assume these women came forward, despite incredible guilt and shame to protect their community. 

6. DO assume that your wives, daughters, sisters and friends will be safer because said victims chose to come forward. 

7. DO assume that kindness, compassion and action can and will change a community for the better and quite possibly STOP (alleged) predators from feeling comfortable operating openly in our mainstream. 🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘❤️👊🏻💪🏼
#mybrandisnotmyown
#saltyelephants
#imasaltyelephant
#wearesaltyelephants
#dirtydoctors
#ihaveavoiceandimnotafraidtouseit
#dirtydoctorsofokaloosa
#impropermedicalexams
#medicalsexualabuse
#medicalsexualassault
#saltylotus
#saltyelephantseenandherd
#seenandheardherd
#feartheherd
#weherdyouneedus
#highpaidpredators
#saltystampede
#saltysurvivors
#survivorsstampede
#silentnomore
#medicalsexualbattery #metoo

This should go without saying.  It doesn't.  I believe we can change that too.

SUPER SALTY,

Carolyn 

We Know We Are...But What Are You??

PHOTO CREDIT:  David Yarrow Photography

We WERE victims.  WE ARE overcomers.  We are badass fighters unwilling to accept being “silenced”. We are daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, friends, grandmothers. We went in unsuspecting and silent, we came out stunned with voices that have been silenced by our “protectors”.  Our new "voice boxes" contain silent prayers, tears, anger, frustration, guilt, shame, fears...ACTION.  These “boxes” won’t be intimidated into closing.  This brand of ACTION has teeth.  The kind that will unsuspectingly BITE you in the ass. 

We are unwilling to allow this level of destruction to be wagered against any more of our “SISTERS”... We are no longer tolerant of excusing the inexcusable. You ALL had ONE job.  To SERVE, PROTECT and HEAL. YOU ALL FAILED.  That “DO NO HARM” part meant/means nothing to any of you. You are either perpetrators or allowed perpetration.  BOTH are. equal as crimes against the innocent.  BOTH equal in BETRAYAL of a community and state that PAYS and TRUSTS you.  

We were assaulted by a DARKNESS, that sparked LIGHT.  This LIGHT was hard and painfully earned.  This LIGHT will be shed on all of the dark places.   By not using our light, WE would be as guilty as you are.  We have been forced to shoulder many things, GUILT and SHAME deemed the weightiest. We release those to YOU.  Steward those wisely.   We work to reverse those into our greatest strengths.  Maybe you can make those JUSTICE and TRUTH.  That would be a novel idea.  

WE ARE Our Sisters Keepers, 

The Salty Elephants 

-The badass sisterhood of women that were sexually assaulted by a doctor/doctors in our community and have been silenced into A LOUD, SALTY and UNSTOPPABLE STAMPEDE.   This herd WILL BE HEARD.

Wilt Where I Am Planted?

I cannot pretend that I have enjoyed the town I live in.  I got hit in the face with some dark realities of how things are handled here.  I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel my children are safe.  I’m in a place where I cannot depend on man for safety, especially those responsible for and paid for it.

I have to decide daily whether this is where I belong or not.  Whether I made a mistake and didn’t clearly hear and see all of the signs from God that this would be our healing place.  Then I have a moment like I did this morning.  My Hunk of Burnin’ Love sanding down “Sinker Cypress” for counters in my kitchen.  Sinker Cypress as they call it, are Cypress trees that are preserved under water in muddy swamps.  They drag it out, dry it, cut it to specification and dust it off to give an accurate view of its grain and variations of splendor. Every ring and mark tells a story. Not only does this strengthen the wood, it causes it to be even more beautiful when finished.  (Ok, I hear You.)

I looked past the wood being sanded and saw my boys from two different countries knit together by God Himself playing basketball. (You work ALL things together...) I literally felt invited to look further and deeper, so my gaze went left, to my chickens happily cackling.  (My simple joys are important. He gets my chicken thing.) I looked down past the couple of acres of trees that greet me every morning as if to remind me that I too am still standing, my presence has not been reduced by the actions of others.  Though a good wind of opposition has bent me, I did not break.  (The leaves will heal nations..)

I took in the reflection of our tiny lake at the bottom of our property.  It was effortlessly mirroring the images above it, it is the home for so much life.  It doesn’t try, it just is. Completely dependent on a Divine System for its very existence and performance. Oh, what a coincidence #metoo! 

 I belong wherever I am and I can bloom where I am planted if I choose dependence on The Divine System.   Today I choose that.

Spousal Survivors of Medical Sexual Assault. It's a "Thing".

We married, 5 years difference in age. We are wild ones!  We rode into our wedding reception on a Harley!! I had 4 kids, he had never been married. He married ALL of us.  We birthed 3 more kids and adopted 8.  We have dealt with foreign and domestic governments, to make things "right".  We lived and navigated life in a third world country, where we didn't speak the language. We have battled stigma head on, we have led very public lives.  NONE of that life prepared us for what we are living now.

Today I want to blog about homeschooling my kids with Down Syndrome and how awesome it is that i can do that while also running a successful business from home.

Instead, I NEED to write about how sexual assault (Specifically but not limited to #medicalsexualassault )and abuse later in life hurts (victimizes)spouses and marriages and why women sometimes choose to keep that secret from their spouse.  I want to feel like I am championing a cause that will help someone.  Even just ONE. I know this needs to be heard. But the truth is, I am so angry and all that is going through my head is how much #%<>^ !!  BULLSH+T this is.  WHY me!? Why this %#*!! experience and topic!!??  My whole life gets turned upside down, even down to what I share and this SH*T has tainted my “brand”. It has messed up who I AM!! It has even cost our family financially!! I ask myself where it ends and how to go on with the inability to trust,  even myself.  

I have to balance that truth with the reality that I can’t sit idle while there is NOTHING in place to protect others and as my community of warriors grow (Most of them don’t know they are warriors, YET) the ones like me that had sanctity stolen from their marriages and/or from themselves.  Have you ever thought of it that way? What happens when you choose to go behind closed doors for your intentional appointment, where society tells you that you are in the company of basically a god and you, the mere mortal are privileged to be in his company?  What happens when he can’t contain his primal filth and he uses you and your body without concern for your covenant with your spouse? (Or your simple value as a human.) No concern for the holiness of your body and who it belonged to. Using your stunned confusion to take it further and further. No concern for your history and the reality of how deeply you regard the sacred  and most intimate parts of who you are, and the joy those untainted realities brought you and your husband.  What happens when you feel that’s all been stolen?  How do you go on?  How do you look at yourself or your marriage the same?  How do you not question how your husband looks at you...now. How do you console a husband that is guilt laden because (if you told), his inability to protect you eats him alive daily, then for desert he is consumed by the inability to see justice on earth. (For now...) He is unable to deliver his choice of justice. Lest he be as primal as #Doctordirty. 

My LOVE, my PROTECTOR...  

You need to know that oftentimes women quietly harbor HORROR to protect ones they love, and for other reasons.  You need to know that there is never a singular victim  of a sex CRIME.  In my home, it has cost everyone.  It has cost everyone I know.  It hurt friends, family, business partners and people that I didn’t have the opportunity to meet and likely won’t because I can no longer assume I am safe with anyone, I cannot trust my own responses or ability to protect myself so it’s easier not to engage.  That’s not a really good place for someone that supports their family through networking and sharing themselves. 

I am a different version of myself this was not part of my personal development plans.  No amount of my fire walking with Tony Robins seared away what happened and what keeps me awake at night.  In the midst of it all, somehow I choose gratitude.  I know what it feels like to not have dignity left to stand in the way of authenticity.   I am grateful that if nothing else I WILL use what happened to me and others for greater change and to prevent this from happening again.   I am grateful to offer a space that keeps it real for women and families navigating this brand of hell. I am grateful for the hope that I won't always feel like I do this morning and the ability to encourage others of the same.  I am grateful for the other voices willing to be used, and I will be giving them guest spots here to share.  I am grateful for the reality (whether I feel it all of the time or not) that there is HOPE for justice and real change, because I can't stop until that happens.

This SH*T Ain't Mine! Amen.

Oddly enough...This is where I learned to surrender what was NOT MINE to drag around.

I literally shudder when someone refers to any disease as theirs, "mine"... NO. I went through a similar process with the predator I am dealing with. This offender, this monster, this human disease, this thief...this sexual deviant. HOW do I refer to this invader of my body, space and life? While the experience occurred and I was there and it involves me, I don't want it (him, ACK) to be "MINE"... He (IT) is not "MY" predator. Our words and thoughts are POWERFUL. If we take something on as "OURS" we had better prepare for the consequences.

I can no longer take ownership of what was perpetrated against me. ACTION, DISEASE...poor state of mind...NONE of it is "MINE" unless I choose to make it so. NOT TOOODAY. Months have been stolen from me, my husband, my family, my friends, my business.  Every day I have to decide what will rule my day. Multiple times a day I face the ravages of PTSD. Most every day I have to pass a billboard with his UGLY FACE, luring unsuspecting women.  Women that are already struggling with their health, TRUSTING that highly paid man with degrees and a desire to help them and NOT take advantage of their vulnerability, their nakedness, their blind trust to access all that is private.  It never crosses their mind that that HUMAN with no accountability, can bounce state to state literally getting off by dominating, defiling and humiliating their victim that is “beneath” them in every sense. These are HUMANS, people!  Humans that have seemed to have found ways to bypass most every law in place to protect us.  I know from experience that EVERY ENTITY in place that I assumed would protect me FAILED. I am from a long line of law enforcement.  Police are good guys, right?  Only until they fear being sued by entities with far more resources than they have for potentially marring the good doctor’s shining reputation.  Because, females are liars and when they make accusations against men that are seen as wealthy... right?  Because women enjoy turning their lives inside out “for money”?  This is a typical story.  ($%!@ THAT!!)

 Please head to RESOURCES on my site and prepare to be sickened.  Most of all prepare to protect yourself and people you love from this all too prevalent yet silent epidemic.  Consider the power behind the biggest sex scandals you have ever heard of.  The establishments, the money to defend them from these accusations.  The victim shaming, the hush money.  The difference for me is that I KNOW the POWER behind me is so much greater.  The Power that daily reminds me that shame is not mine.  The power that reminds me that I have already experienced evidence of these “establishments” on smaller scales.  I am prepared for what NO ONE should have to be prepared for. The establishments have “little p” power.  I have “BIG P” power.  This is what is keeping me pursuing what most would say is a lost cause that cannot be won.  To that I say, ”BULLSH*T!!”  I am worth my own fight and I will fight until  death for the women that cannot and will not fight for themselves.  I am not intimidated by their “little p”.  I was intimidated and stunned into silence ONCE for a couple of hours.  My COUNTER POSE is LOUD and unshakable.  Now it’s his turn to fear me and my “BIG P”.  I am coming for YOU.  If you knew me prior to my visit to your office, prior to my shock and silence and the out of body experience you caused me to have… Meh, I will save all of this for my “OPEN LETTER TO THE MEDICAL SEXUAL PREDATOR”. Stay tuned.

I am working with some amazing nurses to compile what is and IS NOT acceptable during a medical office visit or procedure.  We think we know, but clearly many don’t.  It is well within your rights to demand your doctor follow simple guidelines for your protection and his.  He should already be following them, but there is NOTHING to stop him if he chooses not to, but YOU.  You need to protect yourself and for heaven sake protect your young girls. Teach them now, teach them before they are in clinics while away at college.  In meeting other victims, many didn’t understand they were being molested in the moments.  The depravity of these crimes is so unconscionable, we have been taught not to question the elite in their authority.  We have been taught that that feeling that something isn’t right must be US…mere mortal, know nothing, simpletons. I mean, who are we anyway?  Oh, Doctor Dirties…brace yourselves because you WILL find out.  #youpickedthewronggirls

If you or someone you love has been a victim of medical sexual assault and abuse in the form of an inappropriate medical exam, join our herd of Salty Elephants.  This stampede WILL BE SEEN AND HE'RD. 

Note: Forgiveness is not on my radar currently.  This is OK.  I will use that inability to enable me at this time.  This inability has empowered me to focus my energy and compassion on the other victims of this monster and others and seek out ways to heal myself.  I am harboring hate.  HATE for a system and for establishments that KNOWINGLY allow these things to happen habitually to unsuspecting people in order that they may protect reputations, financial interests of the bigger “beings”. The medical establishment is not the only “system” I have seen this “DISEASE”. I have so much to say on this. This experience was forced on me like a disease.  I own that because I don’t have a choice, but the ongoing symptoms aren’t “MINE”.  

Counter Pose: This One is Gonna Leave a Mark

I have to admit that while unintentional, I AM “salty” about the first post I have avoided making. I am not asking you to “pardon the pun”, I am asking you to be pissed at it with me.  Because if this can happen to me…

I purposefully chose a picture of our backs because I need it to be understood that we need to represent all families, all races, creeds and colors.  I have to make it clear that I am representative of many faceless silent victims of a crime that most know nothing about.  My precious, super-sized, unconventional family embodies the many spouses/families around that didn't need to be in the room to become the unintended secondary victims of an unspeakable crime. 

  You see, I had been in the process of solidifying my “brand” and creating a blog/site to share it on a more consistent basis.  I was poised to share more about all things “Twiet”, about being #fullypresentwhollyhealthy.  I wanted to tell you all about regaining yourself and getting control of the things that have managed to escape us all too easily. Hell if I will let my own mistakes and suffering not be used to help others avoid pitfalls!  I wanted to share things that worked for us, the things that didn’t.  I wanted nothing more than to use my experiences as a wife, mom, missionary, minister and entrepreneur (etc.) to enrich the lives of others and to bring hope to the hopeless in the trenches that I jump in and out of like an Olympian.

  Perhaps soon, I will write about blended (step) families, chickens, kombucha, special needs, homeschooling, nutritional cleansing, marriage, adoption, “veganizing” a huge ass family, faith, Holy Yoga, parenting kids from trauma and with Down Syndrome and Autism, decorating, stigma slaying, oceaning, gardening, earthing, relationship over religioning, etc. But, first things first.

  For such a time as this, this strong, outspoken, tell it like it is wife to a rockstar, mom to many, entrepreneurial creative (MEEEE!)  needs to tell you about the time she froze in fear and confusion and had all that she believed about herself stripped away.  I need to tell you about when my mouth wouldn’t work and my body and mind couldn’t synch.  I have to shed light on this dark and hidden topic, because after it happened to me I found that it has happened to far too many. 

  Silence has never been an option for me, especially where there is stigma and injustice.  For those of you that have “known” my family for years in real life or because of the last decade of major national and international media attention that our life choices drew, or you have been personally touched by our life ministry…you know it’s in my DNA.  So, I guess I am the right girl for a job I would NEVER have applied for. 

  Here I am, a survivor and a light bearer. I am reaching my hand and heart out to the others that have been SEXUALLY ASSAULTED/ABUSED by a physician. I know why you have stayed silent, I have seen why with my own eyes.  I know, if you have spoken up that your voice has been hushed, that you have been mocked or dismissed.  I know that nothing feels or looks the same anymore. I know your personal relationships have been hurt and your relationship with yourself has become like moving in with a complete stranger.  My heart breaks for you.  I cry for you, I search for you… I learned from the Guy that leaves the herd to go after the ONE. 

  My (our) trust has been broken in the vilest of ways.  High paid predators are treated differently than low paid ones.  I am hell bent to expose the realities of all of it and to DEMAND justice for myself and the rest of my “Salty Elephant” sisters. 

  I will not be silenced.  He (they) chose the WRONG GIRL/S…  My actions will no longer be covert in locating other victims.   This herd is growing and it is loud and fierce and it leaves no one hiding and cowering in shame. No more re victimizing victims.  NO ONE left exposed.  Not on my watch, not on the watch of my girls bravely coming forward.  There is no hiding anymore.  I have already suffered the worst of consequences.  I can’t be further shamed or made any more fearful than the position I have been placed in, so THIS is my COUNTER POSE. 

*Counter poses (Yoga) move the body in the opposite direction of the previous pose. This is a necessary response to balance the action.  It is GOOD.  I have realized my life has been a series of counter poses, I am well practiced.  The counter poses of silence, fear and shame are some of the strongest. These counter poses are going to leave a mark.