This SH*T Ain't Mine! Amen.

Oddly enough...This is where I learned to surrender what was NOT MINE to drag around.

I literally shudder when someone refers to any disease as theirs, "mine"... NO. I went through a similar process with the predator I am dealing with. This offender, this monster, this human disease, this thief...this sexual deviant. HOW do I refer to this invader of my body, space and life? While the experience occurred and I was there and it involves me, I don't want it (him, ACK) to be "MINE"... He (IT) is not "MY" predator. Our words and thoughts are POWERFUL. If we take something on as "OURS" we had better prepare for the consequences.

I can no longer take ownership of what was perpetrated against me. ACTION, DISEASE...poor state of mind...NONE of it is "MINE" unless I choose to make it so. NOT TOOODAY. Months have been stolen from me, my husband, my family, my friends, my business.  Every day I have to decide what will rule my day. Multiple times a day I face the ravages of PTSD. Most every day I have to pass a billboard with his UGLY FACE, luring unsuspecting women.  Women that are already struggling with their health, TRUSTING that highly paid man with degrees and a desire to help them and NOT take advantage of their vulnerability, their nakedness, their blind trust to access all that is private.  It never crosses their mind that that HUMAN with no accountability, can bounce state to state literally getting off by dominating, defiling and humiliating their victim that is “beneath” them in every sense. These are HUMANS, people!  Humans that have seemed to have found ways to bypass most every law in place to protect us.  I know from experience that EVERY ENTITY in place that I assumed would protect me FAILED. I am from a long line of law enforcement.  Police are good guys, right?  Only until they fear being sued by entities with far more resources than they have for potentially marring the good doctor’s shining reputation.  Because, females are liars and when they make accusations against men that are seen as wealthy... right?  Because women enjoy turning their lives inside out “for money”?  This is a typical story.  ($%!@ THAT!!)

 Please head to RESOURCES on my site and prepare to be sickened.  Most of all prepare to protect yourself and people you love from this all too prevalent yet silent epidemic.  Consider the power behind the biggest sex scandals you have ever heard of.  The establishments, the money to defend them from these accusations.  The victim shaming, the hush money.  The difference for me is that I KNOW the POWER behind me is so much greater.  The Power that daily reminds me that shame is not mine.  The power that reminds me that I have already experienced evidence of these “establishments” on smaller scales.  I am prepared for what NO ONE should have to be prepared for. The establishments have “little p” power.  I have “BIG P” power.  This is what is keeping me pursuing what most would say is a lost cause that cannot be won.  To that I say, ”BULLSH*T!!”  I am worth my own fight and I will fight until  death for the women that cannot and will not fight for themselves.  I am not intimidated by their “little p”.  I was intimidated and stunned into silence ONCE for a couple of hours.  My COUNTER POSE is LOUD and unshakable.  Now it’s his turn to fear me and my “BIG P”.  I am coming for YOU.  If you knew me prior to my visit to your office, prior to my shock and silence and the out of body experience you caused me to have… Meh, I will save all of this for my “OPEN LETTER TO THE MEDICAL SEXUAL PREDATOR”. Stay tuned.

I am working with some amazing nurses to compile what is and IS NOT acceptable during a medical office visit or procedure.  We think we know, but clearly many don’t.  It is well within your rights to demand your doctor follow simple guidelines for your protection and his.  He should already be following them, but there is NOTHING to stop him if he chooses not to, but YOU.  You need to protect yourself and for heaven sake protect your young girls. Teach them now, teach them before they are in clinics while away at college.  In meeting other victims, many didn’t understand they were being molested in the moments.  The depravity of these crimes is so unconscionable, we have been taught not to question the elite in their authority.  We have been taught that that feeling that something isn’t right must be US…mere mortal, know nothing, simpletons. I mean, who are we anyway?  Oh, Doctor Dirties…brace yourselves because you WILL find out.  #youpickedthewronggirls

If you or someone you love has been a victim of medical sexual assault and abuse in the form of an inappropriate medical exam, join our herd of Salty Elephants.  This stampede WILL BE SEEN AND HE'RD. 

Note: Forgiveness is not on my radar currently.  This is OK.  I will use that inability to enable me at this time.  This inability has empowered me to focus my energy and compassion on the other victims of this monster and others and seek out ways to heal myself.  I am harboring hate.  HATE for a system and for establishments that KNOWINGLY allow these things to happen habitually to unsuspecting people in order that they may protect reputations, financial interests of the bigger “beings”. The medical establishment is not the only “system” I have seen this “DISEASE”. I have so much to say on this. This experience was forced on me like a disease.  I own that because I don’t have a choice, but the ongoing symptoms aren’t “MINE”.  

Counter Pose: This One is Gonna Leave a Mark

I have to admit that while unintentional, I AM “salty” about the first post I have avoided making. I am not asking you to “pardon the pun”, I am asking you to be pissed at it with me.  Because if this can happen to me…

I purposefully chose a picture of our backs because I need it to be understood that we need to represent all families, all races, creeds and colors.  I have to make it clear that I am representative of many faceless silent victims of a crime that most know nothing about.  My precious, super-sized, unconventional family embodies the many spouses/families around that didn't need to be in the room to become the unintended secondary victims of an unspeakable crime. 

  You see, I had been in the process of solidifying my “brand” and creating a blog/site to share it on a more consistent basis.  I was poised to share more about all things “Twiet”, about being #fullypresentwhollyhealthy.  I wanted to tell you all about regaining yourself and getting control of the things that have managed to escape us all too easily. Hell if I will let my own mistakes and suffering not be used to help others avoid pitfalls!  I wanted to share things that worked for us, the things that didn’t.  I wanted nothing more than to use my experiences as a wife, mom, missionary, minister and entrepreneur (etc.) to enrich the lives of others and to bring hope to the hopeless in the trenches that I jump in and out of like an Olympian.

  Perhaps soon, I will write about blended (step) families, chickens, kombucha, special needs, homeschooling, nutritional cleansing, marriage, adoption, “veganizing” a huge ass family, faith, Holy Yoga, parenting kids from trauma and with Down Syndrome and Autism, decorating, stigma slaying, oceaning, gardening, earthing, relationship over religioning, etc. But, first things first.

  For such a time as this, this strong, outspoken, tell it like it is wife to a rockstar, mom to many, entrepreneurial creative (MEEEE!)  needs to tell you about the time she froze in fear and confusion and had all that she believed about herself stripped away.  I need to tell you about when my mouth wouldn’t work and my body and mind couldn’t synch.  I have to shed light on this dark and hidden topic, because after it happened to me I found that it has happened to far too many. 

  Silence has never been an option for me, especially where there is stigma and injustice.  For those of you that have “known” my family for years in real life or because of the last decade of major national and international media attention that our life choices drew, or you have been personally touched by our life ministry…you know it’s in my DNA.  So, I guess I am the right girl for a job I would NEVER have applied for. 

  Here I am, a survivor and a light bearer. I am reaching my hand and heart out to the others that have been SEXUALLY ASSAULTED/ABUSED by a physician. I know why you have stayed silent, I have seen why with my own eyes.  I know, if you have spoken up that your voice has been hushed, that you have been mocked or dismissed.  I know that nothing feels or looks the same anymore. I know your personal relationships have been hurt and your relationship with yourself has become like moving in with a complete stranger.  My heart breaks for you.  I cry for you, I search for you… I learned from the Guy that leaves the herd to go after the ONE. 

  My (our) trust has been broken in the vilest of ways.  High paid predators are treated differently than low paid ones.  I am hell bent to expose the realities of all of it and to DEMAND justice for myself and the rest of my “Salty Elephant” sisters. 

  I will not be silenced.  He (they) chose the WRONG GIRL/S…  My actions will no longer be covert in locating other victims.   This herd is growing and it is loud and fierce and it leaves no one hiding and cowering in shame. No more re victimizing victims.  NO ONE left exposed.  Not on my watch, not on the watch of my girls bravely coming forward.  There is no hiding anymore.  I have already suffered the worst of consequences.  I can’t be further shamed or made any more fearful than the position I have been placed in, so THIS is my COUNTER POSE. 

*Counter poses (Yoga) move the body in the opposite direction of the previous pose. This is a necessary response to balance the action.  It is GOOD.  I have realized my life has been a series of counter poses, I am well practiced.  The counter poses of silence, fear and shame are some of the strongest. These counter poses are going to leave a mark.